Lost Theories

Well how's it going, everyone? It's Nostradamus here, blogging the day after the big Season Three finale of Lost. Everyone's trading theories about what's going on. Well, trade no more. Here are the theories you've been looking for. And by the way, these aren't just theories. This is the way it's gonna be.

Spoilers follow.

Prediction #1: Everyone on the island is already dead. They were killed by Tony Soprano's crew and dumped in the South Pacific.

Prediction #2: The DHARMA Initiative was started many years ago with the purpose of passing around a petition to save the TV show Dharma & Greg. It didn't work and the project failed. But it didn't matter because everyone was already dead (see Prediction #1).

Prediction #3: All of the supposed flashbacks in this series will be revealed to in fact be flash-sideways-es-es. That will explain a lot.

Prediction #4: Alternate realities and magnets and stuff. Really. Just wait and see.

Prediction #5: Longitudinal anomalies create angst vortexes on the island. This is what causes all of the brooding and stuff.

Prediction #6: There are no hatches.

Prediction #7: The plane was actually a train and the numbers represent the plane.

Prediction #8: Fate can only be run backwards but only within the prescribed boundaries.

Prediction #9: Hurley's not overweight. He's undertall. Am I right, Garfield?

Prediction #10: Ultimately, it's not a question of time and space. It's a question of questions. See how it all falls together? Yes.

And there you have it. Sorry to have ruined the final 48 episodes for you, but I warned you ahead of time.

Next time: I spoil the 2008 Summer Olympics!