Wealthy Foreign Rulers Helping US Economy Rebound Via Email

The US Economy is experiencing a healthy upswing, due in large part to an ever-growing number of very wealthy foreigners who are transferring large sums of money to people with free email accounts.

"The second I saw his email address, I knew I could trust him," said Oblidagi Rhutimbanni of Chuck Waterson of Biloxi, MI. Chuck's email address is reallybigstyxfan42@hotmail.com. "I know he will be as loyal to me and my money as he is to the unique keyboard stylings of Dennis DeYoung."

Chuck admits to being dubious at first, but became convinced once Rhutimbanni allayed his concern that this "Foreigner" had something to do with Mick Jones' band. "I was dubious. Juke Box Hero was crap, you know? But I guess there's more than one kind of Foreigner."

Gerti Chzevnick, widow of the billionaire Olaf Chzevnick, had a similar experience in selecting Eunice Tremble to act as her US agent. "On a cat lover's forum, I came across Mary's post reviewing various brands of cat hair trimmers. With that level of attention to detail, she would be perfect for managing my late husband's estate until I can quell this situation with the rebel insurgents."

Recent studies have suggested that, given the current rate of overthrow, widowing, and other difficulties among wealthy foreigners, by the end of the decade, one in four Americans will be overseeing large amounts of foreign money. And a disproportionately large number will be minors, as they are the most common users of the types of free email services the foreign millionaires prefer to use to find Americans.

"I don't know why they pick us," said 13-year-old Britney Wright, aka bringbackboybands@yahoo.com. Britney manages the estates of two foreign diplomats and one widow. "But I'm just glad to be able to help these poor rich people."