Features of Apple's New iPhone

Looking for all the details on Apple's new iPhone? Just what are the amazing details of the phone that can do anything? We've got the full story here in this exclusive iPhone review.

• Cars with Bluetooth-compatible steering allow iPhone to take over driving your car for you when you're on the phone, automatically crashing for you.
• Incoming wrong numbers are forwarded to Apple customer support.
• Connect your iPhone to your car's GPS and the spoken navigation directions will be in the voice of the pop singer or actor of your choice (Additional celebrities are available through a 99-cent download at the iTunes store).
• Not only can you watch movies on the 2 inch by 2 inch screen, but the iPhone will also whip you up a tiny bag of popcorn and a tiny soda.
• For the ladies, the "Calendar" feature will help you remember all those important days your boyfriend is forgetting.
• In an exclusive deal with YouTube, the iPhone will shoot, edit, and upload embarrassing videos of you to the internet if you don't have any friends to do it for you.
• Each iPhone comes packaged with a t-shirt and a pair of jeans so you can look cool like that guy on the Mac and PC commercials.

Hubble's Gots Battery Troubles

Yup. You read that right.

Those eggheads at NASA figured out another way to screw up the biggest project they got goin'. This time they let the batteries die on their big telescope.

Now I feel a trifle bad for those boys at NASA. Heaven knows I wouldn't want half the world hearing about what things I done with my tools every time somethin' or other goes wrong with 'em. But things go wrong on this thing--and it seems they always do--it's all over every paper on the planet.

Quite frankly, I think people should be a trifle wiser about what they say about the government agency that has a great big cameras and telescopes up in the sky. Especially if you might be growing things in your back 40 you wouldn't want the government agencies that don't have the cameras to know about.

I mean seriously, you've seen the Hubble photos, right? There's like what, six of them? The government launched that thing up there, shot off a couple quick picks of deep space to make the folks at Omni magazine happy, and then they whirled that bird around and pointed it right back at us.

So I say, power to you NASA! Love you boys, and love everything you're doing.

And that patch back there on the back 40 is just ivy. Boring, uninteresting ivy.