Facebook to Introduce "Keystroke and Scrolling" Updates

Following the rampant popularity of their new interactive features that allow random activities performed around the internet to show up  in your Facebook feed, the social media giant has announced new features that will help users share their keystrokes, mouse clicks, and scrolling updates with their friends.

"Dan Thomas quickly scrolled through a New Yorker article skimming for the celebrity ranting," read one update.

"Melissa Dowager clicked through an article on celebrities without their makeup.  She lingered a particularly long time on a photo of Justin Beiber," read another.

"We feel this helps give our users more genuine insight into their friends, and allows those users who struggle to come up with things to type themselves lots of ways to still keep their friends all caught up on what's going on thier lives," said Wilbur Carmichael, a Facebook spokesman whose status updated fourteen times as he consulted his notes.  "We can't wait to get the technology to link their profiles to their debit cards so their receipts can show up in their feeds in real time."

However, some concerns have been raised over such updates as, "Barack has typed the letters 'Ineed2smokemore' into the field 'Pentagon Security Password'" that recently appeared on the White House Facebook page.

But Carmichael brushed aside the concerns.  "It's the kind of transparency the American people appreciate.  And it's exactly why Facebook was invented."