Obama "Devastated" To Not Be Elected Pope

President Obama was shocked to discover he was not selected to be the next leader of the Catholic Church, and talked about it at a press conference this morning.

"This is a clear failure of the democratic process," said the Commander-in-chief.  "This simply doesn't happen."

He also expressed displeasure with the US Supreme Court for what he said his lawyers called, "An inability to do anything about it."

"This kind of judicial partisanship should not be tolerated," he said.

"I win elections," said Obama. "It's what I do."

When asked about qualifications like experience or being Catholic, Obama replied, "Needing qualifications never held me back before. Qualifications are for the kinds of jobs and prizes you apply for. I win votes, not resume contests."

A heartbroken Joe Biden tried to console him that it was likely that he was simply "overqualified" for a job that merely required infallibility.