The world has become a little safer today, as every product ever made has been recalled.
After an extensive study in which it was realized that pretty much everything could end up harming somebody, somehow, it has been decided that it all needs to go back.
The logistics of the mass recall has been difficult, as the recall also applies to all of the potentially lethal vehicles that would be used to transport all of the products.
Products also cannot even be packed, due to recalls on highly flammable cardboard boxes and other packing materials.
Also, problems have arisen because the recalls do not only affect products, but also the components of those products. How can you drive a recalled car back to the dealership without the recalled tires?
Consumers have had a difficult time getting answers to their questions, due to the recalls on telephones. The telephone recalls are due to the strangulation risks of the old corded phones, as well as the cancer-causing and brain scrambling risks of the cordless models and cell phones.
They've also been unable to go visit locations in person, due largely to embarrassment following the clothing recall. In addition to being flammable and a strangulation hazard, clothing has also been deemed lethal if the wrong style is seen in the wrong neighborhood.
The Federal Government has also begun plans for returning all the recalled weapons and military vehicles which have been deemed "too dangerous."
As the nation prepares to return to nomadic, naked lifestyles with an unarmed military, people everywhere are breathing sighs of relief at the increased safety this will bring to their lives.
"In the end, it's really all about the children, isn't it?" said one mother, as she and her family walked away from thier home for the last time.
