Tips For Saving Money On Gas

As we watch gas creep up over $4.00 a gallon in some parts of the US, nothing brings in readers like posts that promise them they can save money on gas. So we made one! Here goes our list of suggestions:

• When trying to decide where to get gas in the morning, always select the stations that have the lowest numbers displayed in those signs out front. These numbers are directly related to the cost of the gasoline.
• There is much debate about what time of day it is best to pump gasoline. We find that it is best to pump very, very late at night, when it is easiest to sneak off without paying.
• Many states now have gas stations that require you to pay first, and then pump. You should not live in any of these states.
• We do not recommend doing what they do in the movies and using really, really strong alcohol to power your automobile. Breathing the fumes might make you fail a breathalyzer. And the cop will never believe you. Trust us.
• Another good thing to do to conserve gas on the freeway is just to pull over. When somebody stops, tell them you just need help pushing the car to the next exit. When they get you there, thank them. Then just wait for the next person. We once made our way across three counties this way, without having to pay for a single gallon of gas. We were, however, two days late. Don't use this one if you're in a hurry.
• Ignore traffic lights. All that accelerating and decelerating burns up gas like crazy.
• There are lots of websites that post prices for gasoline in your neighborhood. Stop and look at them once in a while when you're at home surfing the web, and it will remind you why you decided to never, ever to leave your house again.

NEWS FLASH

EARTHQUAKE TO HIT CALIFORNIA SOMETIME IN THE NEXT THIRTY YEARS, SCIENTISTS SAID TODAY.

PLEASE IMMEDIATELY COMMENCE DUCKING AND COVERING.