America Avoids Roads As Teen Girls Seek Jail

Following a nationwide siege as Americans have stayed off the road to avoid masses of accidents and unsafe drivers, officials have finally determined the cause: Teen girls seeking to go to jail.

"The perpetrators of these crimes are not organized, but they're united in purpose," said Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff. "Now that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan have made jail trendy, everybody wants in."

Drivers have been avoiding the roads for days as cars have been lurching around the roads and highways, driven by impaired young ladies hoping to score some hours in the pen.

"We simply don't have the facilities to house them all," said Chertoff. "We're thinking interment camps, maybe? Set 'em up in stadiums until this whole fad blows over and they move on to somthing else."

"Hopefully one that won't cost the taxpayers' dollars."