Congratulations To A Real Winner

In honor of the Golden Globes, I took it upon myself to go out and find someone who had accomplished something readers of this blog might actually care about.

I found this man.

U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration supervisor George Hood broke the Guinness World Record for spin cycling, clocking in at 85-hours--over 1,000 miles.

Previously, Hood had broken the world's record for jump roping, at 13 hours.

Much like the Golden Globes, both of these records represented expending a whole lot of energy, without actually getting anybody anywhere.

For future records, we suggest:

• Sitting On Hold With Dell Customer Service


• Waiting Between New Episodes of Lost


• Trying To Find a Decent Movie At A Video Store He Hasn't Already Seen


• Most Hours Spent Asking Back And Forth, "I Don't Know, What Do You Feel Like Eating?" (Requires Partner)


• Trying To Find Something Shelved Properly In WalMart*


• Most Consecutive Repeated Performances of the "Electric Slide"

*By "Shelved Properly," we mean, "Is on a shelf." We don't mean shelved in the right place.

Not even this guy has that much endurance.