GROCERY STORE CONSPIRACY TO STEEL MY PENNIES
The man is trying to stick it to us again! And now it's in grocery stores.
I'm in the grocery store today, and I bought three frozen dinners, a box of Eggos, and some cat food, because even though I don't know where my cat is, I still have hope
My total came to $13.78, and I gave the lady a twenty. Here's where it gets crazy:
She handed me back six dollars. Even. No change.
And I care about my change, because every penny I get goes to my fund for trying to pay the ransom to Wesley Snipes.
So I raised a stink. I made sure every person in that store knew about how that lady was trying to short change me, and keep me from getting back my cat.
When I finally calmed down, she pointed at this little tray next to the table where you sign your credit card. There were two dimes and two pennies inside.
At first, I thought she was trying to convince me that the "take a penny, leave a penny" pennies were my change.
But it was even more insidious than that! I could see that there was a little slot there that made the change come out after I noticed she short changed me. And she couldn't have just installed something like that herself. Only the grocery store could have done that! Which means the grocery store is installing mechanical devices to help create alibis for their employees who shortchange customers!
When I checked, they had these things at every single register!
I'm telling you, I'm not paying cash for anything any more! And since I already gave up using my credit card, because of the way the phone lines that verify credit card numbers can be monitored, that leaves me only one option.
Thank goodness PayPal has never caused anybody any problems.
Now if I can just get them to take it at the grocery store.
I'm in the grocery store today, and I bought three frozen dinners, a box of Eggos, and some cat food, because even though I don't know where my cat is, I still have hope
My total came to $13.78, and I gave the lady a twenty. Here's where it gets crazy:
She handed me back six dollars. Even. No change.
And I care about my change, because every penny I get goes to my fund for trying to pay the ransom to Wesley Snipes.
So I raised a stink. I made sure every person in that store knew about how that lady was trying to short change me, and keep me from getting back my cat.
When I finally calmed down, she pointed at this little tray next to the table where you sign your credit card. There were two dimes and two pennies inside.
At first, I thought she was trying to convince me that the "take a penny, leave a penny" pennies were my change.
But it was even more insidious than that! I could see that there was a little slot there that made the change come out after I noticed she short changed me. And she couldn't have just installed something like that herself. Only the grocery store could have done that! Which means the grocery store is installing mechanical devices to help create alibis for their employees who shortchange customers!
When I checked, they had these things at every single register!
I'm telling you, I'm not paying cash for anything any more! And since I already gave up using my credit card, because of the way the phone lines that verify credit card numbers can be monitored, that leaves me only one option.
Thank goodness PayPal has never caused anybody any problems.
Now if I can just get them to take it at the grocery store.
posted by Joe Blogger at 4:03 PM
Disclaimer: This is a satirical website. All content is intended as satire only.
3 Comments:
Just buy your groceries on eBay. They take PayPal. You can get slightly expired milk and "previously fresh" produce for some pretty low bids, my friend.
Also, I don't know if this is an omen or what, but I just saw an ad on this blog for "Dead Animal Removal." You probably shouldn't be alarmed, though. Nothing says mildly amusing like "Dead Animal Removal."
What has Wesley Snipes done?!?
Apparently he killed your cat. Probably because you didn't have the money to pay the ransom because the grocery store hasn't been giving you your change.
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